ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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