based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize