I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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