operation have a gay friend backfired
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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