I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
