Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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