I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
