I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you had me at cake vodka
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize