I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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