It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
