Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
