two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize