4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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