i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Send help, water and tortillas.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize