it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
