My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
