I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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