Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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