i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
