The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
