he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
