I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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