i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
