I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
how drunk are you?
Several
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize