yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
