He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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