70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
worst night to have a conscience
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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