I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
