so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
