he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
two words...techno handjob
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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