you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
