If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
