just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
