Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
