just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
