that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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