No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
