I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
