I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
