So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
