Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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