ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize