I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
