I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sext me about skeletons
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
