you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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