No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
