hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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