I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
