you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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