Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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