Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize