nut hugger
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
