If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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