You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
