You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
