she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
