This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got inside last night via doggy door
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
