he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
