I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
