Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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