you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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