her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
