I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
