Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
