I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize