I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What a dumb baby whore.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
