My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
