he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
