Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
