Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
