My brain says no but my pants say off.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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