He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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