There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
