great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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