He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
