come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
