I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
