you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
