take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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