if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I have post one night stand depression
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