Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
