a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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