I am puke
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
