it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
