I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
