I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
