You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
