the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
