Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
