Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize