its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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