I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
