He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
