I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
