I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
