More tranny stories later!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
