i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
