Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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