Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
