If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
