at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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