Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize