Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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