WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
