my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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