So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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