She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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