i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
