What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize