I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
