6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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