somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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