The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
