Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
