I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
