Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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